Facui ce nu facusi

Astazi am bagat de seama ca am o leapsa de la Ajuourd’hui. Ce chestie. Azi am primit o leapsa de la “azi”. Da, ma rog. E funny. Am avut o dimineata lenesa in care m-am trezit cu Silvia in brate. A vrut sa plece fara mine. Stia ca nu am cursuri azi. Eu n-am lasat-o. Ce naspa sunt… I’am zis buna dimineata si am condus-o pana la metrou. Au inchis astia statia de metrou Obor si acusi fac pe jos pana la Piata Iancului 35 min. cronometrate. O sa vina mai rar pe la mine… eh. Nasol.

Am terminat “De veghe in lanul de secara” (da, stiu, trebuia s-o citesc prin cls.a 10-a) si m-am apucat de blestematia aia de lucrare pe care mi-e cam lene s-o scriu (S-au strans 3 prezentari de carte si una de film si una de joc pentru blog dar mi-e lene, si pe astea, sa le scriu. Ce naspa sunt.). Daca i-as putea prezenta proiectul oral si atat ar fi si mai bine. Din pacate nu se poate.

Da, deci… lasand prostiile pentru altadata, LEAPSA consta intr-o lista lunga de chestii pe care un om le poate face, aducandu-i astfel placere. Le selectezi pe alea care le-ai facut si le boldezi (asta ca sa-i explic lui Bogdan, ca nu si-o dat seama). Eu n-o sa le boldez c-am chef sa fac mici comentarii. Lista:

01) Bought everyone in the pub a drink – N-am bani, n-am pub. Deci… nu.
02) Swam with wild dolphins – Cu delfini nu, dar am innotat in acelasi bazin cu un tip care semana cu o balena. Pe bune… mai si scuipa din cand in cand.
03) Climbed a mountain – Pe Jepii Mici pana la Babele se pune? Daca da, atunci da.
04) Taken a Ferrari for a test drive – L-as lua dar n-am carnet.
05) Been inside the Great Pyramid – Cum ajung in Egipt, acolo ma duc.
06) Held a tarantula. – Nu, prefer domnisoarele.
07) Taken a candlelit bath with someone – Da… as face o descriere mai atenta dar mi-e frica sa nu devin obscen.
08) Said ‘I love you’ and meant it – Prietenilor sau Iubitei? Am zis, doar atunci cand am simtit.
09) Hugged a tree – … si nu numai… Glumeam… cred.
10) Done a striptease – Mai, parca, nu mai stiu sigur. Parca da.
11) Bungee jumped – Cu prima ocazie…
12) Visited Paris – Cu a doua ocazie (ca prima e luata pentru bunjeee)
13) Watched a lightning storm at sea – Da, dar de pe margine.
14) Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise – Chiar de curand. Ce chestie.
15) Seen the Northern Lights – La T.V.
16) Gone to a huge sports game – O singura data. Nu mai vreau…
17) Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa – Cu a treia ocazie.
18) Grown and eaten your own vegetables – Da, culmea, in gradinita pt. flori din fata blocului. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
19) Touched an iceberg – Nope. Si nici nu tin mortis.
20) Slept under the stars – Da, dar langa foc de tabara, adormit de sunetul Muresului curgand.
21) Changed a baby’s diaper – Nu inca. Niciodata nu-i prea tarziu.
22) Taken a trip in a hot air balloon – Cu a patra ocazie.
23) Watched a meteor shower – M-am uitat la dus cand avea calcar. Se pune? Desi atunci nu prea curgea apa.
24) Gotten drunk on champagne – …ce intrebare stupida. De fapt stai, nu. Am inceput cu sampanie, am terminat cu nu mai-mi aduc aminte ce. Sorry.
25) Given more than you can afford to charity – Imediat ce-o sa-mi permit ceva.
26) Looked up at the night sky through a telescope – Mai rar, dar o facusi.
27) Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment – Oooo da.
28) Had a food fight – Si pe asta. It’s not pritty.
29) Bet on a winning horse – Inca n-am ajuns in Bizant.
30) Taken a sick day when you’re not ill – Doar odata?
31) Asked out a stranger – NU fac d’astea. Sunt timid. 3
32) Had a snowball fight – Daca nu s-a batut cineva cu bulgari si citeste acest blogpost, sa ma anunte. Ne vedem la iarna.
33) Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier – Nu am office.
34) Screamed as loudly as you possibly can – Da si dupaia am ragusit.
35) Held a lamb – M-a si muscat.
36) Enacted a favorite fantasy – Star Wars se pune?
37) Taken a midnight skinny dip – Nu inca. Poate odata si-odata.
38) Taken an ice cold bath – Dap. La Roma. Se stricase centrala terminca.
39) Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar – Da si nu.
40) Seen a total eclipse – Nope… eram plecat cand o fost.
41) Ridden a roller coaster – Doar unul?
42) Hit a home run – Si pe asta o facui… culmea.
43) Fit three weeks miraculously into three days – Dap… e uimitor. Ce?
44) Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking – Eu sunt mai tampit de felul meu, recunosc.
45) Adopted an accent for an entire day – Biserica lui Q, se pune?
46) Visited the birthplace of your ancestors – Siiigur ca da. Adica, in parte. Inca n-am ajuns in Deva.
47) Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment – Eu sunt happy toata ziua. Sunt gay, ai putea spune.
48) Had two hard drives for your computer – Acusi am 4.
49) Visited all 50 states of USA – Prefer sa stau acasa si sa dorm.
50) Loved your job for all accounts – Nu muncesc…
51) Taken care of someone who was shit faced – Da… sa zicem.
52) Had enough money to be truly satisfied – Da… mie-mi trebuiesc putine. Ti-am spus ca sunt mai happy, asa.
53) Had amazing friends – Inca n-au murit. Sper…
54) Danced with a stranger in a foreign country – Hmmm… parca da. Nu mai tin bine minte.
55) Watched wild whales – Ti-am zis de ala de la bazin, nu? Se pune?
56) Stolen a sign – Da… sau nu? I dunno.
57) Backpacked in Europe – Data viitoare.
58) Taken a road-trip – YUPEEE! Road-trip!
59) Rock climbing – Vag.
60) Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice – CE?
61) Midnight walk on the beach – Desigur… dar era frig asa ca n-am facut baie gol. Ce naspa sunt.
62) Sky diving – Nu inca.
63) Visited Ireland – De ce?
64) Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love -Ohooooo.
65) In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them – Nu, ca nu-s evreu sa rup painea.
66) Visited Japan – E in planurile de viitor.
67) Benchpressed your own weight – Sti cat cantaresc? Tu crezi ca nu mai am nevoie de organe genitale?
68) Milked a cow – In Caciulesti. Aaa, ba nu, ca si in Ocna.
69) Alphabetized your records – Da, si CDurile cu filme si jocuri. Sunt naspa. I Suck.
70) Pretended to be a superhero – BATMAN!
71) Sung karaoke – YUP!
72) Lounged around in bed all day – Citeam… se pune?
73) Posed nude in front of strangers – Nu-i niciodata prea tarziu.
74) Scuba diving – Promit s-o fac si pe asta.
75) Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye – CE? Adica, melodia aia e total un-cool.
76) Kissed in the rain -Mai, parca.
77) Played in the mud – Dap.
78) Played in the rain – OHOOOO! Sau… despre ce played vorbim?
79) Gone to a drive-in theater – N-avem d’astea.
80) Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it – YUP!
81) Visited the Great Wall of China – Nu, dar promit sa merg pe acolo.
82) Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog. – Adica? M-ai incurcat.
83) Dropped Windows in favor of something better VINDOWS RULZ!
84) Started a business - In viata viitoare.
85) Fallen in love and not had your heart broken - Din pacate… sau din fericire?
86) Toured ancient sites - E in planuri(ile de urbanizare).
87) Taken a martial arts class – AiKiDo
88) Sword fought for the honor of a woman – Cu bete.
89) Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight – Pe calc. se pune?
90) Gotten engaged – E in planuri.
91) Been in a movie – “Restul e tacere” You know you love it!
92) Crashed a party – Nope.
93) Loved someone you shouldn’t have – Nu cred.
94) Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy – Made me dizzy poate. Nu stiu de ea.
95) Gotten married – E in planuri.
96) Had sex at the office – E in planuri.
97) Gone without food for 5 days – O facui si pe asta.
98) Made cookies from scratch – Nu-mi plac cookies din scratch. Le prefer pe alea de cacao.
99) Won first prize in a costume contest – Nope.
100) Ridden a gondola in Venice – Singur? Ar fi prea trist.
101) Gotten a tattoo – Nope.
102) Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on – Buzele se pun ca material? Poate material de incropit vise. I dunno.
103) Gotten divorced – Nu e in planuri.
104) Been on television news programs as an “expert” – Mai sunt multe? Nu domne, am lucruri mai bune de facut. Ma tot suna astia.
105) Got flowers for no reason – Dap. De fapt nu, e frumoasa, de aia-i cumpar flori. Nu ma pot abtine. Ce sa-i fac?
106) Masturbated in a public place – Nu e in planuri. Prefer sa nu.
107) Got so drunk you don’t remember anything – Da, dar mi s-a povestit.
108) Taken illegal drugs – Nope.
109) Performed on stage – Aaa… pe solee se pune?
110) Been to Las Vegas – Prefer sa stau acasa.
111) Recorded music – Nope.
112) Eaten shark – Bine ca nu m-a mancat el pe mine.
113) Had a one-night stand – Nope.
114) Gone to Thailand – De ce?
115) Seen Siouxsie live – Ce?
116) Bought a house – E in planuri.
117) Been in a combat zone – E in planuri.
118) Buried one/both of your parents – Nu e in planuri. Ce intrebare tembela!
119) Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off – DOARE! Logic ca nu. Eu ma tund scurt, daca chiar vrei sa sti.
120) Been on a cruise ship – Fusei.
121) Spoken more than one language fluently – Macar atat sa fac si eu.
122) Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone – Da.
123) Bounced a check – Nu folosesc.
124) Performed in Rocky Horror – Poftim?
125) Read – and understood – your credit report – Da… 000 bani in, 000 bani out. SUPER!
126) Raised children. – E in planuri.
127) Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy. – Cred ca da.
128) Followed your favorite band/singer on tour – Prefer sa stau acasa.
129) Created and named your own constellation of stars – Sigur, in caciula, pe interior.
130) Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country – As vrea…
131) Found out something significant that your ancestors did – Daps.
132) Called or written your Congress person - Siiigur ca da. Ce?
133) Picked up and moved to another city to just start over – NU prea as vrea. Sa vedem.
134) …more than once? – Crezi ca n-am ce face?
135) Walked the Golden Gate Bridge – Pe viitor…
136) Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking – Si ce-i rau in asta?
137) Had an abortion or your female partner did – CE INTREBARI STUPIDE!!! NU!
138) Had plastic surgery – N-am bani.
139) Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived. – Da, la nastere. Glumeam. Stiu, e proasta gluma. Nu m-am putut abtine.
140) Wrote articles for a large publication - E in planuri.
141) Lost over 100 pounds – As vrea sa slabesc vreo 5 kile da’ rahitismul nu e la moda.
142) Held someone while they were having a flashback – Cred ca da.
143) Piloted an airplane – Cu a cincea ocazie.
144) Petted a stingray – ???
145) Broken someone’s heart – Sper sa nu. E probabil totusi.
146) Helped an animal give birth – Da’ de ce? Singur nu poate?
147) Been fired or laid off from a job – Mi-am dat demisia inainte.
148) Won money on a T.V. game show – Din pacate, nu.
149) Broken a bone – Din fericire, nu.
150) Killed a human being – Prefer sa stau casa.
151) Gone on an African photo safari – As vrea. N-am camera.
152) Ridden a motorcycle – E in planuri.
153) Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph – Nu, peste 100kph da, desi nu am carnet.
154) Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced – Nope.
155) Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol – Parca da… aaa DA!
156) Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild – Dap. Ce e rau in asta?
157) Ridden a horse – Poneiul se pune? Daca nu, mai la vara sigur.
158) Had major surgery – Nope. Nu e in planuri.
159) Had sex on a moving train – Nu inca. E in planuri?
160) Had a snake as a pet – Dap… Era unul mic, de apa.
161) Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon – In viitor, probabil.
162) Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing – N-am mers niciodata cu avionul. I suck.
163) Slept for more than 30 hours – NU!
164) Visited lots of foreign countries: Not lots, but there are some. – 1 singura. I suck.
165) Visited all 7 continents – E in planuri.
166) Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days – As vrea…
167) Eaten kangaroo meat – Nu, prefer puiul.
168) Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground – Prefer domnisoarele.
169) Been a sperm or egg donor – De ce?
170) Eaten sushi – Dap.
171) Had your picture in the newspaper – Nu e niciodata prea tarziu.
172) Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime - Nope. E in planuri 1 si buna.
173) Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about – Nu… cel putin, nu cred.
174) Gotten someone fired for their actions – Nope.
175) Gone back to school – Sigur, acusi vreo satpamana. Au pus gratii la ferestre.
176) Parasailed – Nup…
177) Changed your name – De ce? Crezi c-ar trebui? De ce?
178) Petted a cockroach – Da… I suck.
179) Eaten fried green tomatoes. – Dap… “e” bune.
180) Read The Iliad – E nasoala rau. Il prefer pe Alexandru Mitru, imi pare rau.
181) Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read – Numa’ unu’? Mie mi-o fost lene prin scoala sa citesc ce mi se dadea.
182) Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them – O lingurita.
183) …and gotten 86′ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you – Nici chiar…
184) Taught yourself an art from scratch – Eh, nici chiar din scratch. Nu-mi prea plac lucrurile din scratch. Prefer ciocolata.
185) Killed and prepared an animal for eating – Nu… sigur nu.
186) Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt – Sper ca nu tre’ sa-i cer scuze nimanui.
187) Skipped all your school reunions – N-am avut.
188) Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language – Asta e mai complicat… ma rog, ca sa n-o dau in filozofii spun ca nu.
189) Been elected to public office – Nu inca… vote for me!
190) Written your own computer language – De ce?
191) Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream – YUP! Asa e.
192) Had to put someone you love into hospice care – Ce prostiii!
193) Built your own PC from parts – Nu inca… L-am facut bucati pe unul, insa. Se pune?
194) Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you – Iti vand o povestire printata… vrei?
195) Had a booth at a street fair - Nu.
196) Dyed your hair – Dap.
197) Been a DJ – Play that funky music white boy!!!
198) Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal – Sper ca nu…
199) Written your own role playing game – Nu inca. E in planuri.
200) Been arrested. – Nu e in planuri.

Silviei nu pot sa-i dau leapsa c-a primit-o deja asa ca… leapsa merge mai departe, la Cyber, la Bogdan, la Elena si… cine mai vrea leapsa asta sa-mi zica. Pace.